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Saints 12/13
#ClubPtsPWTDGD
1 Olympique 39 15 13 0 2 31
2 NTV FC 38 14 12 2 0 36
3 Saigon Hotshots 27 15 9 0 6 21
4 Saints 25 13 8 1 4 5
5 Fighting Cocks 24 15 7 3 5 14
6 Saigon Raiders 24 15 8 0 7 6
7 Hiep Phu FC 19 15 6 1 8 -18
8 Gemadept FC 16 12 5 1 6 -5
9 342 8 18 2 2 14 -36
10 Thanh Van 0 18 0 0 18 -54

 

               
               
               
               
               
               
               
               
               
               
             
               
               
               
               
               
               
               
               
               
               
           
                       
                       
                       
                       
                       
Wednesday
Mar052014

Saints’ marathon men (well a half-marathon man and a fun-run man) 

We’d like to say a hearty congrats to the upstanding Captain Samuel Morley and Steve Shaw of Nottinghamshire, who both signed up for events in the recent Spring Run in Ho Chi Minh City last weekend.

Sam came home in just over 47 minutes to finish 16th in the 10km run from of a field of 100+ runners. With a time of 1 hr 19 mins, Steve finished 33rd from a field of nearly 100 runners in the 21km run. None too shabby boys!

Certainly, streets ahead of Ben Peadon and Ian Pavitt, both of whom also signed up for the 10km run but failed to show at the starting line.

Mr. Pavitt took to Twitter to defend himself from accusations of “laziness” claiming he’d been kidnapped on Saturday night and woke up somewhere near the Cambodian border. Mr. Peadon’s personal assistant claims the chairman overdid it on the Weetabix and pulled out of the race before leaving his apartment due to a stomach cramp.

Needless to say, they’re both going to be fined by the club for tarnishing our reputation.     

Sunday
Jan122014

Saints 6 Unofficial Bayern Munich Development Team 1

Match Report

As soon as a fat, demented, mud-caked, naked baby with a bizarre 1st century Chinese kung fu warrior haircut started circling the team in the stands before kick-off at Phuoc Long A yesterday, the Saints were understandably petrified – what did this strange and terrible omen mean?

It turns out they had nothing to fear – even without a goalkeeper and a depleted squad, the Saints got 2014 off to a flying start by trouncing a technically decent but defensively hapless team wearing a very naff, faded Bayern Munich kit in a friendly match that offered up a lot of positives for whoever is in charge of the Saints for the second half of the season -- crisis? That crisis!   

Here’s Five Positives…

1)      Captain Sam Morley and Steve Shaw’s Centre back pairing is looking rock solid. These two can be a combination in the mould of the Jaap Stam (um, guess that’s Steve) and Ronny Johnsen/ Gary Pallister (take your pick Sam!) at the height of Man Utd’s defensive meanness. Both players aren’t afraid to take the odd run up the pitch with Captain Sam showing a preference for 35-yard stoppage time wonder goals over one-on-ones, which  -- like yesterday -- are just “too easy” especially when the goalie is scampering away from the centre of the goal for no apparent reason.

2)      After returning from a long lay-off, Sean Delaney’s two cracking goals from outside the box prove he’s not just about flying into players with the studs up and doing his level best to get sent off.  The tackles continue to be agricultural but his passing and shooting could be the key to the Saints proving they have the “bounce-back-ability” factor in 2014. The Awesomely Bearded Silver Fox also showed why he’s the ideal companion to Delaney – JR bagged a goal from inside the six-yard box after making a 50-yard run to get there (and that’s after coaching the Saigon Gaels’ ladies and training with the Vietnam Swans in D7). Aware that Delaney’s goals were going to his head, JR also sensibly thwarted Delaney’s chance for a hat-trick by walking across the goal and stopping a goal-bound shot while chatting to the opposition like he was going for a stroll in the park.

3)      The Saints’ latest signing Charlie bagged a hat-trick—a dream debut for the lad who was also full of running all day long and if it weren’t for a few dubious offside decisions he might have got more. The Saints look like they’ll have plenty of firepower up front with Ruben “Livin’ la Vida Loca” hopefully fit and available for the rest of the season and young Sam also pushing to start. The Webmaster, criticised for just scoring in friendlies has vowed to score only in the league this year--by refusing to poke one home from two inches out yesterday and letting Charlie claim his hat-trick, and not bothering to score (completely intentional) that, my friends, is half the job done.

4)      Forced into going back to basics by virtue of a lack of numbers and options, Captain Sam Morley went for simplicity with his team selection yesterday. The Saints’ sexy-on-paper but ineffectual in action (thus far) 4-2-3-1 formation has failed to get the team results and although the opposition was piss poor yesterday, the more traditional 4-4-2 might be the best way to get the Saints firing again in the league. Food for thought for whoever makes the call when the Saints play Gemadept next Sunday.

5)      Morale boosting post-match beers at Game On: After an intense will-they-won’t-they courtship with secret meetings, come-and-get-me-emails and fluttering eyelashes over the summer, the Saints have finally inked a deal with Damien Cupitt and offically moved to Game On at 115 Ho Tung Mau in District 1 and it’s a pleasure to be sinking beers in the city’s finest Sports bar after every match surrounded by a dozen screens of sport. They even had Chairman Peadon‘s beloved Leeds on the big screen – and while I’m on that topic, how good are Sheffield Wednesday!? They collectively channelled their inner Carlton Palmers to produce the sort of CHAMPAGNE FOOTBALL that the Saints aspire to! WUNDERBAR!

 

Watch your emails for details of next weekend’s fixture and get down to training if you want to be in that squad.

 

Over and out!

Wednesday
Nov202013

Saints get ANIMATED for Phuket 7s  Tournament

Pavitt- Glenn Quagmire

Often referred to as just Quagmire, is a character from the animated television seriesFamily Guy. Quagmire is a neighbor and friend of the Griffin family and is best known for his hypersexuality.[

Rosie- Kyle Broflofski

Kyle is a third- then fourth-grade student who commonly has extraordinary experiences not typical of conventional small-town life in his fictional hometown of South Park, Colorado. Kyle is distinctive as one of the few Jewish children on the show, and because of this, he often feels like an outsider amongst the core group of characters. His portrayal in this role is often dealt with satirically, and has elicited both praise and criticism from Jewish viewers.

Brownie- Woody Woodpecker 

Spends his day singing loudly and pecking holes in trees. He infuriates the other woodland creatures - when he isn't baffling them with his bizarre behavior. Woody overhears a squirrel and a group of birds gossiping about him. Even though he just sang a song proclaiming his craziness, he denies their whispered accusations that he's nuts.

Alex Crane-Top Cat (or simply T.C.)

The yellow furred, greedy, somewhat lazy and clever main protagonist. He wears a primrose hat and a vest. He often rips off and/ or tricks his gang and Officer Dibble. He does respect the effort the gang does for him, but he often takes credit for it. That said, he is loyal to the gang and will help one of them if they need it.

Sean And Tom- Pinky and Brain

Genetically enhanced laboratory mice who reside in a cage in the Acme Labs research facility. Brain is self-centered and scheming; Pinky is good-natured but feebleminded

Chuck- Wile e. Coyote

Looney Tunes’ Wile E. Coyote, for example, is an ostensibly malicious being, and yet, somehow, the audience feels compassion for him. In spite of his vicious nature, Wile E. Coyote’s ineptitude and frequent failures earn him the sympathy of his viewers.

Erdem- Yogi Bear 

The plot of most of Yogi's cartoons centered on his antics in the fictional Jellystone Park, a takeoff on the famous Yellowstone National Park. Yogi, accompanied by his constant companion Boo-Boo Bear, would often try to steal picnic ("pick-a-nic") baskets from campers in the park, much to the displeasure of Park Ranger Smith. His girlfriend, Cindy Bear, sometimes appeared and usually disapproved of Yogi's antics.

Jamie Roy- Tazmanian Devil

As the youngest of the Looney Tunes characters, the Tasmanian Devil, or 'Taz' as he has come to be known, is generally portrayed as a ferocious albeit dim-witted omnivore with a notoriously short temper and little patience. He will eat anything and everything, with an appetite that seems to know no bounds. He is best known for his speech consisting mostly of grunts, growls and rasps, and his ability to spin like a vortex and bite through just about anything.

Aron- Fat Albert

Fat Albert is based on Cosby's childhood friend Albert Robertson. The main character in the series, he is the heart and soul (and often the conscience) of the Junkyard Gang. Though depicted as being obese, he is shown to enjoy sports, often playing in different games with the rest of the gang.

Didier- Asterix

Because of his shrewdness, is usually entrusted with the most important affairs of the village. He is aided in his adventures by his rather fat and unintelligent friend, Obelix, who, because he fell into the druid's cauldron of the potion as a baby, has permanent superhuman strength.

Paul- He-Man

He-Man was characterized as possessing superhuman strength. The extent of his strength was unknown, but on one occasion he was able to hoist Castle Grayskull and throw it through a dimensional doorway. He-Man also demonstrated his strength by lifting mountains and icebergs, and hurling them towards a desired target.

Vicente- Puss in Boots

The cat in the fairy tale of the same name (in French, “Le Maître Chat ou le chat botté”), as retold by Charles Perrault in Contes de ma mère l’oye (1697; Tales of Mother Goose). The brash Puss in Boots tricks an ogre into transforming himself into a mouse, which Puss promptly gobbles up, so that Puss’s master can appropriate the ogre’s wealth and win the hand and heart of a beautiful princess.

Monday
Nov182013

Guest Match Report: Saints 2 Hotshots 2

Webmaster’s note: BIZARRO -- Trawling through the top-flight-low-level amateur football in Saigon message boards yesterday evening, as you do, I discovered the Amateur Football Referees and Linesmen in Saigon’s Online Forum – boom! -- and LO AND BEHOLD there was a scintillating first-hand account of the Saints’ last match at the Stadio delle Justa-Pasta-Unilever-Building in District 7 written by the 62-year-old linesman. 

So, I translated it for your reading pleasure. Better than any match report I could have done.

Amateur western footballers are funny LOL

“YES! The Tays (Westerners) are playing each other again,” said Phuc, the referee for the day, and my wife’s younger brother’s wife’s brother. “Wonder who’ll throw a tantrum and say "fokkety-fok-fok-fokkety-fok-fok…” first..."

It was still a hot day but the Tays were holding it together surprisingly well. They get so RED in the face just running around and they’re not even drunk—LOLZ!

In the first half both teams ran around like Premier League players without the skill –LOL! The team in White + Blue had the edge over the team in White + Green stripes. Two VERY HANDSOME men on White + Blue team had AWESOME beards and they looked so strong they must have two wives each. One small man with teeny-weeny beard called Rosenberg didn’t look as strong as men with big beards but he played like man with TWO BEARDS – LOL! I would like to introduce him to my third daughter—the one I don’t think is mine.

There are two very young players for both teams and they play like they want to have biggest beard competition. The team with Green + White stripes also have one quality player who likes to tell the ref how many times the STRONG man with silver hair and AWESOME beard fouled him without punishment.  Maybe he should grow a big beard and stop complaining--LOL. Then I will introduce him to my second daughter—the one who nags me all day like a second wife, Double-LOL!

Phuc books one player on Green + White Stripes for wearing a hairband. He complains but obviously doesn’t know that this is a UNIVERSALLY ACCEPTED made-up law. I could never introduce a man like that to one of my daughters—unless he’s really rich!  

After that Phuc got bored as there were not enough tantrums or goals and we all needed a cigarette. So he blew the whistle for half-time. We talked about beards and smoked and drank hot tea. Phuc tells us about his wife’s older brother’s wife’s brother who has the biggest beard for a Vietnamese man we know. He can drink 15 Saigon Red in a two-hour period and drive home in a straight line.

Things got much more interesting in the second half—the White + Blue team kicked it around a bit and a looping ball from the wing put their young striker through, he controlled it and SMASHED it in the goal like he has a beard AND a hairy chest. White + Blue team now in control. They make chances like one for big tall man who is old enough to have very long beard but put through on goal he kicks ball like a drunk-three year old trying to kick his way out of a paper bag in slow motion–LOLZ!

The Green + White Team now come back and score an equaliser and White + Blue Team start to look VERY angry. Rosenberg chases a through ball from centre of the pitch but then man with a hairband chops him down. Man with hairband gets a second yellow and gets very angry with Phuc. He complains that Rosenberg has dived but man with hairband doesn’t understand he got the second yellow as he’s STILL WEARING THE HAIRBAND. MEGA-ROFL!

Now White + Blue team must win but the defence plays around like they are trying to play football on an ice rink – LOL! – and the Green and White Team are gifted a goal and now everyone on Blue and White team is VERY RED in the face.  They come back and attack. There is a big melee involving every player on the pitch and a few from the side-line come on to make things really confusing. I don’t know where to look. When people ask me why I want to be a linesman and receive abuse all day long for scandalous offside decisions when I am half-blind and could be drinking iced beer, I say it’s because I dream of days like this. I put down my flag and light a cigarette. It’s the best five minutes of my life since I met that young girl in a karaoke bar in Can Tho…  

Anyway, Phuc sends off a player from each team and now Blue + White go all out -- there’s not much time left and chances at both ends. Tall man collects ball and runs away from one player and has a chance to put the perfect cross in the box. Man with Silver-Hair and Big Beard is in there SCREAMING with all the others. But tall man drags his cross and everyone on the White + Blue team is saying “fok fok fok fokkety-fok fok “ but another tall man with immaculate hair called Borreman – he can have my first daughter if he builds us a villa in District 7 and invites us all to live there – pokes the ball back into midfield from where a handsome blonde man with no beard but some sort of strange barely visible moustache smashes a goal from 30 yards out. He is the captain and he demands everyone on his team lies on top of him to celebrate wonder strike. I would like to introduce this man to my fourth and most attractive daughter—he deserves that for this goal.  

Phuc believes this is a fair conclusion to the game and without looking at his watch guesses that time is probably up as its getting a bit dark and it’s time for another cigarette.  

I can’t wait for the rematch – lolz!

 

 

Wednesday
Nov132013

International Tour Up Date and CAPTION COMPETITION! 

Phuket Tour on a Lifeline
Saints Oi!
News in that a 'curve ball' has been thrown the way of the Saigon Saints!  Reports confirm that in order to enjoy the discounted tournament hotel rate monies need to be transferred to tournament account.  Why is this an issue? It isn't unless you were planning on paying by credit card.  Does having a credit card mean you should be isolated, segregated and persecuted! 
Saints say NO!
Mutterings from the Saints' back benches are asking about alternatives and questioning the committee's ability to get the saints to Phuket. Fear not!  Options, first you can transfer the cash (details can be provided), second you can pay in cash on arrival (USD or THB) and third, cancel and re-book through agoda.com.
'SAINTSWEAR HITS THE STREETS'
Rumours of a Gucci inspired all white tour suits are false! Instead 'SaintsWear' designer, Sweatshop Sandy, is producing some fine 'soccer playing suits' and 'tiny tour t-shirts' which are due to be showcased at the high fashion invite only, Phuket7s later this month.  Plans for a tour bumbag (US - fannypack) have been scrapped as only the northern English and Spanish contigents were willing to wear them in public.
Saints' Caption Competition
Kindly sent in by a fellow saint, please take a look at the picture attached and write down what springs to mind and send it to us.  Winner will be announced on Friday and prizes include beer, booze, a drink and a fluffy toy. Good luck and do not hold back!
                                                                                         
  
 
 

by Ian 'nohandspingpongcatcher' Pavitt