Saints vs Sporting Saigon, Fusion and Fusion
Captain-slash-gaffer-by-default Steve Shaw from the shire of Nottingham must have looked at these three fixtures and pencilled in 9 points but the Saints sadly stumbled at the first hurdle by throwing away a 3-1 lead against Sporting Saigon (scrambled home to nick a point in the end) before getting on track with back-to-back victories against bottom of the table Fusion. In the first of those two ties, the Saints cantered to a 4-0 win and in the second the boys romped home to win 8-1 after the boys’ scheduled weekend of Team Building and R&R in Bangkok, Thailand.
As ever, all of this has left the selectors, pundits and analysts with nothing but questions as we now go into the last four games of the season with three fixtures against three of the top four sides.
For example: was Max the Butcher Oswald’s goal against Sporting a wonder goal or wasn’t it? Taking time out from sipping Pina Coladas and sunning himself on a beach somewhere in Central Vietnam, Simon Finnigan took to Facebook to claim it was a mishit. You can judge for yourself here.
Do the Saints need to practice celebrations? Young Max certainly celebrated his goal like he meant it which is more than we can say for the guy (his name escapes me at this very moment but he falls over surprisingly easily for a big unit) who scored twice against Sporting and refused to celebrate like a man should when he scores his first and second goals for the Saigon Saints. Was he taking a leaf out of Mario Balotelli’s book that a postman does not celebrate posting a letter so why should a footballer celebrate scoring a goal? Do the Saints need to up their game and give the fans what they want? “We planned to practice celebrations at the tournament in Bangkok,” said Skipper Shaw. “We just didn’t score enough goals to practice that many.”
The next week the Saints experimented with our finest players from the Youth Academy as we took on Fusion, who were recovering from a demoralising 14-1 drubbing at the hands of Saigon Japan. Young Dom once again showed his peers in the academy where the back of the net is (it’s behind the hapless keeper who let the ball roll up the front of his body and over his head). Sean Skene was overheard saying Dom got lucky (no jealousy there). True or false? “False,” says Simon Finnigan while ordering his second club sandwich of the day. “In Liverpool, wise man say get your shots on target and you will get the goals.”
Speaking of which, Simon Hyatt – a.k.a. baby-faced Australian – got his first goal for the club in the second match against Fusion by clipping a half volley in to the top corner. YOU BEAUTY. Later on in the same half, he then slipped through the defence to go one-on-one with the keeper. Time seemed to slow down as he calmly strode towards the very tiny, very crap goalkeeper. The goal seemed to widen as he went to slot it home but… [oh dear]. Is this what they call "difficult second goal syndrome"? “In Liverpool wise man say if you don’t make your mind up well in advance of a one-on-one you will miss,” says Simon Finnigan while enjoying a pedicure for less than a dollar and munching on a banh mi in Hoi An. “True story: Robbie Fowler used to decide what he was going to do days in advance of going in on goal.”
In spite of the miss what a day for Australia with Sean Skene getting his first for the season and new recruit Tom also netting on his debut. Should we have more Aussies in the team? Vote now in the comments people.
Does Chuck Roger play more calmly when he is literally blue in the face? After entering the Color Me Run Chuck arrived to play Fusion looking like an extra from Avatar or the Smurfs. It must be noted that he did not say “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” once. Mind you, it was a stress free match as the Saints romped to a 8-1 win. Still, all those in favour of Chuck doing this every week please say AYE in the Facebook comments (PS: Bonus extra Question – How is that life-size portrait of Sean Boyle coming along?).
In between that 8-1 win and the 4-0 win two weeks previous, the Saints enjoyed a weekend of football, team building, sightseeing and shopping in Bangkok. Does this mean we play better after going to Bangkok for such activities? All those in favour of going back as soon as the webmaster gets his visa sorted VOTE YES NOW!
Young Caelan Stokes’ formidable record as a supporter (completely ignoring his father on the pitch) is now two wins from two wins with the Saints scoring a total of 15 goals and winning by seven goals on both occasions. Do we need more pint sized mascots? If you think the answer is yes, slap on the baby making music and get busy!
Andrew Humphreys a.k.a. Cantonaked returned from Bangkok where he was unsurprisingly voted “best off the pitch performer” and immediately disappeared over the border to Cambodia for seconds. “He’s more of a legend than a man,” says James Teague with obvious admiration. With both of our social secretaries doing more socialising than um… secretaryzing (?!) is Andy the man to lead a coup d’etat and take us to the promised land of scantily clad debauchery in exotic locations? “Vote No,” says Jimmy Q. “Vote YES,” says Jimmy T.
Meanwhile, did someone say CONSPIRACY THAT GOES TO THE VERY TOP? The free-scoring Saints clearly feel most comfortable on what was the league pitch in D7 but sadly it’s been “reclaimed” and is no more. Since losing to Japan, the Saints are undefeated and had three wins from four matches, scoring a whopping 18 goals in the process. Bugger it anyway. If this means going back to Phuoc Long A and re-engaging the Curse of The Fat Naked Demented Baby Who Licks His Own Vomit we are all doomed.
Is Benjamin Hawxwell-Green canvasing for “General Role Telling people What they Ought to be Doing”? With the year-end AGM already on the horizon, the Saints in-house DJ and leading bearded Yorkshire man is clearly swaying voters with his new self-appointed role which involves telling everyone what they ought to be doing. All those in favour of making this an official title VOTE NOW! In the meantime, if you are unsure about what you should be doing right now, ask Ben! he's online RIGHT NOW!
Last but not least with our game cancelled this weekend, should we go out and get ties-around-our head-drunk tomorrow night? No need to vote yes for that. See you all in the pub.