Just in case you had trouble reading that header or believing a game of top flight amateur football in Saigon can remain scoreless for 80 minutes: I repeat... SAIGON SAINTS ZERO, ASW ZERO!
No. of Spectators Including Saints: 7
No. of Spectators not including Saints: 1
Yellow Cards: 4
Shots off the Bar: 1
Spectacular Fresh Air Clearances: 1
Clearances that went backwards: 3
Percentage of players hung-over: 60%
No. of Butterfly Henna Tattoos on the Right Shoulder of a Belgian man named Roel: 1
A brief summary: The Saints wanted a clean sheet. The Saints got a clean sheet. But who woulda thunk that both teams would fail to score? Betfred.com weren’t even giving odds on a no-score draw. The Saints went home shaking their heads though in fairness so did the Men in Pink F.C., officially known as ASW. They hit the woodwork twice and had a penalty not given (and had a goal disallowed). The Saints piled on the pressure in the first half but failed to boss the game in the second half. “What went wrong?” Club psychologist Dr Iaian Campbell quizzed the Noble Knight of Nottinghamshire Steve Shaw over a mug of tea in the club’s imaginary kitchen-slash-therapy room. “I think we might have overdone it on the skipping at training,” said the club captain. “The lads looked overcooked.”
“Au contraire, I’d say we were undercooked,” said Chairman Peadon, who 24 hours into Movember was already looking like a cross between Freddie Mercury and the fifth Musketeer. “Playing a new team with a pink kit, the lads weren’t mentally up for it.”
Whether overcooked, undercooked or medium-rare, the Saints certainly failed to pull off any of their signature “That looked like a fluke but it was actually something we practice at training routinely”-moves. They also failed to out-jump men on average about half a meter shorter than them.
However, the Saints were missing firepower up front with that Great American Patriot Chuck Roger and Aidan McNally of the Bundesliga-Worthy-Hair both injured.
And let’s not forget that clean sheet—the first *in a while*. It was a great defensive effort by the starting back four and all the subs with Ol’ Sleepy Eyes Boyle rarely troubled (he knew those shots were going to rebound off the post). The lads re-assembled at Game On and managed to gather a kitty of VND2.3 million in the kangaroo court—the season’s biggest tally and that was without Roel and his butterfly henna tattoo turning up.
Next week: Saint vs. Saint, Buddy vs Buddy, Mate Against Mate, Etc.